Riku, Sora, and Kairi's Random Rendezvous!
by Rain-chan
Summary: Beware! This story is random! A broken wall, freaked out Riku, kidnapping, and disguised Ansem are just some of the many things in this story! Warning: Randomness! THE SEQUEL IS UP!
1. It Begins!

**KingdomRaindrops says: I'm a good person! Honest!**

**This is my newest story! Obviously... I like to write ones with humor. I just can't STAND tragedy, drama, or angst. CAN'T STAND. So, as you might have guessed, or can tell from looking at the description, this is a funny story! Please review! Give me ideas and/or constructive criticism. I don't mind flames...they keep my house nice and toasty...So, read and enjoy! And laugh! Don't forget laugh!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. I don't even own the game! sob Well, I own Chain of Memories...and Namine's making me really, really mad right now...which is why I DO own this flamethrower! But I don't own any of the tunes Kairi hums in this chapter...**

* * *

Riku and Sora were sitting outside Riku's house being bored. 

"Gee, I sure am bored," said Sora. He was bored.

"No kidding." Riku was also bored.

This story is very boring. But don't worry! It's about to get a whole lot better!

Sora picked up a rock and threw it at the side of Riku's house. It made a noise. He threw another...and another...and another...and another...and another...and another...and...

Suddenly the side of the house caved in. "Uh-oh..." Sora watched as the inside of Riku's living room was exposed.

"Riku? What was that? You're not playing with the chainsaw again, are you?" Riku's mom called from inside the house.

"Uh...no, Mom, Sora and I were...um, we're just going to Sora's house! And we probably won't be back for a while, so DON'T come looking for me!" Riku jumped up and started running down the street.

Sora got up and ran after him. "Hey! Wait for meeeeeee!"

Riku and Sora found themselves at Kairi's house. How they got there isn't important, but they were hiding out behind the shed in Kairi's backyard.

They heard footsteps.

"Oh CRA..." Sora started to say, but Riku clamped his hand over his mouth.

"Shhhh...if it's my mom, we don't want her to find us!" he hissed.

Then they heard a familiar voice singing a song. And it was NOT Riku's mom, because Riku's mom can't sing.

"We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yellow submar..." Kairi rounded the corner and found the two boys cowering in fear. "Uh...hi?"

Riku jumped up. "Oh, Kairi! We weren't afraid or anything, were we, Sora?"

Sora was still whimpering, so Riku hit him upside the head. "Ouch! I mean...uh...we weren't"  
Kairi raised an eyebrow. "Yeah right, Sora. I can always tell when you're lying. Because you're really, really bad at it." She put her hands on her hips. "What are you two doing cowering behind my shed?"

"It's Sora's fault!" Riku yelled.

"It's not!" cried Sora, in case Riku's mom had heard.

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Well, I'm not the genius who chucked rocks at the wall!"

"It's not my house!"

"So?"

"It's not my mom, either! She's gonna kill you!"

"Why you little..." Riku started chasing Sora around the shed. "Come back here! I'm gonna kick your butt!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sora screamed, running around with his hands in the air.

Kairi shook her head. "You two are hopeless. Oh, Riku, your mom's coming over in half-an-hour."

"WHAT!" Riku stopped chasing Sora, who ran into him and fell down. Riku grabbed Kairi by the shoulders. "WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE! COME ON!" He grabbed Kairi and Sora and started running down the street.

"Hey! Let me go!" Kairi and Sora yelled.

"Over my dead body, which is going to happen if my mom finds me!" Riku kept on running.

"Maybe she didn't notice?" Sora suggested.

"What makes you think she wouldn't notice a HOLE IN THE WALL! And not just a hole! THE ENTIRE WALL ITSELF IS MISSING!" Riku was becoming crazed and just a little bit scary. Okay, a whole lot scary. "Quick! To the gummi ship!"

"But I have to..." Kairi tried to talk some sense into Riku, but the fear of his mother was driving him crazy.

"Hey! It's MY ship! You can't just..." Sora started, but Riku was already shoving them into the gummi ship.

"I can and I will! Sit down!" Riku shoved Kairi and Sora onto the floor and turned the ship on. "We're outta here!"

"Riku, do you even know where..." Sora asked, but by that time it was already too late. The ship had taken off, and, while Riku was safe from his mom...for now...the three of them weren't safe from whatever horrors awaited them...

* * *

Meanwhile, at a huge high school out in the middle of a stupid little town that was becoming way too big, a girl shoved through a group of weirdos. "Outta my way! I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!" She ran down the sidewalk, trying to get away from whatever was pursuing her when she ran into someone. 

"Oops. Sorry..." She started to say but stopped when she saw who she had run into. "AUGH! NOOOOOOOOOO! IT'S YOU! Sindey Barette!" (A/N: This person is real. Her name has been slightly changed to hide her identity. But we all know that it's like when those super-heroes put on the little black masks to "hide" their identity...it never helps.)

"Oh, HI, RAIN!" said an obnoxious girl with Emo/Punk clothes. "I haven't seen you in AGES!"

"THAT'S THE POINT!" Rain was pulling out her hair, trying desperately to get past Sindey. She thought she would never escape the clutches of this extremely annoying girl when...WHAM!

"What the-" Rain saw a huge ship slam into Sindey. She cheered. "Yay! My life's dream has been realized!" She ran away from the scene, just in case Sindey miraculously came back. And everyone knows she will eventually...obnoxious people never stay down for the count.

Riku stepped out of the ship. "Man! This isn't Burger Palace!" He got back in, and pretty soon there was nothing left of the ship that had smashed Sindey.

* * *

Sindey sat up and sniffed. "Even Ka...I mean RAIN ran away from me!" Suddenly she felt a tap on her shoulder. 

"Hi, little annoying girl!" A man with ugly hair wearing an ugly outfit stood behind her. Strangely, he was wearing one of those little black masks..."I'm An...I mean...the mysterious Captain...uh...Evil!"

"Are you supposed to be good?" Sindey sat with that ugly little grin on her face.

"Uh...yeah! Wanna join the DARK SIDE?" Suddenly 'Captain Evil' held a flashlight under his face. "Mwahahahahahahaaa!" he laughed.

"That was kind of weird...but sure!" Sindey stood up and held another flashlight under HER face. "Buwahahahaha!"

"Uh...before you join me, I have to tell you. That is NOT a good evil laugh." Captain Evil hit Sindey on the side of her head with his flashlight. "You really ARE corny and cliche.


	2. A Cheese Danish and Albonso's Pizza

**KingdomRaindrops says: I. Hate. Leeks. I HATE THEM!**

**Yes, I really do hate you, leeks, with all of my heart. ALL OF IT. This is the second chapter, which you are lucky enough to be reading because of the people who reviewed. Please write in with ideas! I'd love to hear them and I'll use any of them I can! And I will give the person who sent it credit for the idea. ( Riku and Sora: We love you, reviewers!) See? Riku and Sora love reviewers, so if you love Riku and/or Sora, you'll review! By the way...thanks to my one reviewer...uh...oh my gosh! I forgot your name! crying I'm so SORRY! But...you know who you are! This one's for you!  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Or Namine. Because if I did, she'd be dead right now. And I DON'T approve of Riku x Namine pairings! Not that I won't use them. If it's what the people want!**

* * *

"Riku, I'm starving!" Sora was sitting on the floor playing Old Maid with Kairi. 

"That's it, I win again." Kairi put her cards down. "Sora, you lazy bum! You aren't even paying attention!"

"That's because I'm too busy trying NOT to pay attention to my stomach!" Sora cringed.

Suddenly there was a huge crash. Everything in the gummi ship shook.

"Riku, what are you DOING!" Kairi yelled, running up to where Riku was supposedly driving the ship, when...

"Hey, what are you guys yelling about? And what was that sound?" Riku walked out of the bathroom eating a cheese danish.

"What heck? What are you doing, Riku? You were supposed to be flying the ship!" Kairi couldn't believe his stupidity.

Riku munched on the danish. "Oh, I was? Oops." He shrugged.

"See, I told you I should've driven the ship," Sora whispered to Kairi. "And more importantly," he said to Riku, "Where did you get that danish! I'm starving here and you're in the bathroom gobbling up pastries!"

"Woah woah woah, Sora. This is MY pastry. And I was eating them in the bathroom so I could have them all to my self. But here, you can have an apple." Riku handed Sora a shiny red apple. "It's a magical apple!"

"Hey, do I look like Snow White? I'm not that dumb." Sora folded his arms.

"But, whoever eats it gets their wish come true!" Riku talked like he was telling a story to a 3-year-old.

"Did you say wish?" Sora grabbed the apple and was about to take a bite when Kairi snatched it away from him. "Hey, that was my wish! Get your own!"

"You really are dumb sometimes, Sora." She chucked the apple at Riku's head. "Since you can't drive this ship right, it looks like I'm gonna have to do it myself."

"Wait, you can't..." Riku jumped forward to stop Kairi, but it was too late. She was already at the controls.

"Too bad, pastry boy. Sit down! We're going to the nearest Pizza Pigout Palace. I have half-price coupons." Kairi shoved Sora backward from where he was standing, pouting about his apple. "It's going to take a fortune to feed you two. You too, Snow White. Sit down!"

* * *

Kairi stopped the ship outside Albonso's Pizza. "It's close enough. They have half-price pizza Mondays. Get out, you two." 

"Yes! Thank GOD! FOOD AT LAST!" Sora jumped out and ran toward the restaurant.

When Riku jumped out of the ship, he kissed the ground. "Thank GOD! LAND!" He ran after Sora in case Kairi had the idea of forcing him back into the gummi ship and driving again.

"Geez, it wasn't that bad!" Kairi ran in after them.

Meanwhile, a dumb kid named Joe Mopper (A/N: This is another real person with slight changes to their last name to hide their identity) was standing on the other side of the ship. He had been talking to three girls just outside the pizza place when...

(Flashback)

"So, I was all, 'Dude, you need to change your wardrobe.' And he was all, 'Man, I think I look fine in Puce.' And I was like-" Joe Mopper was talking to three Prep Girls and trying to act like Mr. Macho.

Suddenly there was a huge crash, and the three girls who had been straing at him admiringly 'disappeared' under a weird ship.

(End Flashback)

"Dude," said Joe. "Where did those chicks go?" He scratched his ugly curly head. Suddenly there was a tap on his shoulder.

"Hi I'm..." said a mysterious man who looked just like Ansem only wearing a little black mask.

"It's Sindey-o and el Captain Evil-o!" said Sindey in a really bad Spanish accent. "I'm taking Spanish. I have an G-. I also went to the bookstore and got a new Emo CD. I'm just a poser, but-"

"Shut up! If you're going to be my minion of darkness, you're going to have to STOP DOING THAT! NO WONDER EVERYONE HATES YOU!"

"Dude, who are, like, you?" Joe asked stupidly, for Sindey was also wearing a little mask, only hers was purple because I know that her favorite color is red because she has gone on and on and on and on and on about it.

"I told you, we're..." Sindey started, but was cut off by Captain Evil.

"We are fighters of darkne-I mean, justice. Join us and we'll make you smarter, Joe Ugly. I mean, what did you say your name was? I was making an inference."

"Uh, let me check my super-cool boxers that stick halfway out of my pants. R E P P O M. Uh...that. That's my last name." Joe then instead of putting his boxers back into his pants pulled them out more. "And I don't need smarts. I got plenty of thems, and 'sides, smarts don't get the chickies. It's the looks, man."

"Uh, whatever. Join the dark side, and you can be the Amazing Boy Stupid, Joe...what did you say it was again? Reppom?" Captain Evil patted Joe on the shoulder.

"Dude, get your hand off me. It's, like, uncool to touch a cool guy. And yeah, that's a cool name. Amazing Boy Stupid...ha ha ha...what's that mean? Is it cool?"

"Of course, my boy! I NEVER lie!" said Captain Evil, who was at that present moment lying (badly) about his name and his side of preferred heroism, thus making him also lie about lying.

* * *

"Man, I'm stuffed!" Sora downed his glass of Dr. Mepper. "I love this stuff!" 

Riku rolled his eyes. "You know the generic kind is never any good. I only drink NAME BRAND."

Meanwhile, girls from all over the restaurant were staring. "Isn't he hot?" they whispered, pointing at Riku.

One person in the corner turned to the person in the booth next to hers. "Do you even know who that is?"

The girl shook her head. "No way. But he must be famous. I'm gonna go get his autograph. Want me to get you one? You're Rain, right? You like to write stories, right?"

"No. I'm not Rain. I'm-" What she said was blocked out by a bunch of plates crashing.

"Sorry!" the pizza guy yelled.

"-and I don't want his autograph. I want his SOUL." Rain finished.

"You're really weird." The girl got up. "Wait a second, do you have any paper?"

"I ALWAYS have paper, you pinhead." Rain pulled out a small red notebook. "I write stuff in it. Want to read some?"

The girl took the notebook. "But all that's in here are some weird sentences, like 'Nathan likes Sid' and morbid drawings of stick-people."

"I know." Rain smiled.

"Ugh...just come with me. I don't want to carry this thing." The girl shoved the notebook at Rain and grabbed her by the arm.

"Ew! Get your popular hands off of me, you prep!" But it was no use. Rain could not get away from the Riku-crazy prep girl.

Finally they reached the table. Riku, Sora, and Kairi looked up at them.

"Stop! This is kidnapping! Let go of me! Your hands BURN!" Rain started punching at the stupid popular girl.

The girl finally let go "It's not! I only took you across the room! Now give me a piece of paper. And stop hitting me! You're damaging my perfect skin." Rain grudgingly tore out a scrap of paper and handed it to Popular Girl, who gave it to Riku. "I want your autograph. Are you famous? Let me take a picture of you on my new shiny picture cell-phone!" She whipped out a sparkly pink rhinestone studded phone. "Say cheese, hottie!"

Riku sat there looking bewildered. "Wow, I really am a hit with the ladies!" He looked at Rain, who was cringing. "What's the matter with you?"

"I'm allergic to preppy."

"Do you want my-"

"No, Riku. I don't want your autograph. I want your SOUL." Rain smiled.

"You're creeping me out! You can't have my soul!" Riku slid backwards.

"Are you a minion of darkness?" Sora asked reaching for his Keyblade.

"Gee, that's really shiny. Can I see it?" Rain admired the shiny Keyblade.

"Do it, Sora! Anything to stop her from stealing my soul!" Riku grabbed Sora's Keyblade and handed it to Rain. "Here! Keep it!"

"Aw, that's nice. But no thanks. I have plenty of weapons. I got them off of E-bay." (I don't own E-bay)  
Rain handed the Keyblade back to Sora. "I just want your soul."

"No! Stay away from me!" Riku screamed, while Popular Girl continued to take pictures of him and drool.

Rain pulled out a camera. "Don't smile. Grin. Riku grins." She clicked the button. "Click! See? I stole your soul!"

"Wait a...what?" Riku leaned forward. "But I thought you were going to-"

"People used to think cameras stole souls," whispered Rain. "And some still do." She glanced at Popular Girl. "Too bad it isn't true..."

Then Popular Girl's phone was full, so she noticed Sora. "Hey, you're kinda cute too. Not as hot as him...in fact, you're not hot at all...but I can't take anymore pictures, anyway, so just sign my arm." Don't ask me why popular girls write all over each other's arms. I don't know. Their ways are strange and foreign to me. Not that I'm UN-popular. Popular people just bug me.

"Hey!" Kairi jumped up and grabbed Popular Girl by the neck. "Get your ugly pink self AWAY from MY Sora."

"Eh? Is it a cat fight?" Rain turned around. "I like cats. Meow meow." She sat down next to Riku and grabbed a slice of pizza. "Go, Kairi, go! And none of that clawing and slapping stuff from you! Fight HARD!"

"You can't hurt me! I'm popular!" said Popular Girl, and she laughed. "I can get any boy I want. Wanna see?" She leaned toward Sora. "Like I was saying, you're really cute, you little cutie!"

"I WARNED you. Normally I don't like to fight, but you, YOU UGLY WITCH, are a special exception!" She punched Popular Girl in the mouth.

"Woo! Yeah! This is cool!" Rain high-fived Riku.

"Ahh! I'm going to have a bruise on my perfect skin!" Popular Girl was getting mad. "That's it! I WILL beat you and then I'll go out with BOTH of them!" She started clawing at Kairi's face.

"Is that the best you can do?" Kairi was at least two feet from Popular Girl's flailing arms. "HAH! THIS ISN'T EVEN A COMPETITION!" She took out a paintball gun. "TIME TO FACE KAIRI!"

"NO! THIS FABRIC STAINS!" Popular Girl shielded her revealing pink shirt. "DON'T DO IT! YOU CAN HAVE HIM!"

"Wow, I didn't know Kairi had a paintball gun!" Riku whistled. "You're right, whoever you are! This IS getting good!"

Sora was sitting hunched under the table, freaked out. "Uh, Kairi, you can...you can stop now...please?"

"NO WAY! I'M GONNA GET THIS STUPID PREPPY GIRL!" Kairi pulled the trigger. Paintballs started to slam Popular Girl. "YOU TOUCHED MY SORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! DIE!"

"I don't think I should've let Kairi drink all that generic soda..." Riku was starting to look freaked out too.

"Uh...yeah..." Rain was scared as well. "Quick!" Sora jumped up and grabbed Kairi. "We have to get out of here before she gets WORSE!" He started running for the door, dragging Kairi behind him, who was still screaming.

"THIS ISN'T OVER! I WILL FIND YOU! STAY AWAY FROM MY SORA!" Kairi was still firing paintballs.

"She can get worse?" Riku asked, then shuddered.

Popular Girl was on the floor, unconscious, her pink shirt stained beyond recognition, as was her straightened long blonde hair.

The manager came running out toward them. "Hey you crazy kids! You're going to pay for this mess!"

"I'm not paying for this!" Riku grabbed Rain. "You're a witness! You're coming with us!"

"Yes! Cool! I'm getting kidnapped by the coolest people ever!" Rain grabbed her commonplace book. She jotted down something that looked like 'The fish in Pish stay mainly in the dish.' "Take this, Brother! I rock!"

* * *


	3. Bank Robbery!

**KingdomRaindrops says: Supersize it!  
Just to let you know, I don't really like McDonalds. Okay, I like their fries. I love fries. Woo hoo! So, be sure that french fries will be a huge factor in this story! Okay, maybe not, but... Anyway, this is the next chapter! And I'm serious when I say that I won't update if YOU don't review! Seriously! Why should I update it if I don't know anyone's reading it! It only takes a minute to update! Great, now I sound like a weird insurance commercial...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Dr. Pepper, or the Beatles. Including Davey Jones. Or wait, is that the Monkeys? Or Mr. Poe or anything that has to do with this supposed "Lemony Snicket"...**

* * *

"Hey, guys!" Sora walked around, looking for Rain and Riku. Kairi was driving the gummi ship after taking command because, as she had previously said 'You two can't drive worth nuthin'!' 

"And then we can hijack one of those sea-planes, kidnap a family of mimes, and fly to Nebraska, where we..." Rain was pointing to a huge map spread out on the floor.

Riku crossed his arms. "Yeah, but what about the jellybeans? You can't feed a flamingo on pudding alone." He scratched his head. "And there's a gap in our second flight plan. How do we hide out in Egypt without getting stuck in a public bathroom?"

"Well..." Rain started, but was interrupted by Sora.

"What the HECK are you guys DOING?" Sora was staring wide-eyed at the two leaning over the map.

"Oh. Uh, well..." Riku looked around. "What are YOU doing?"

"Hm...It seems the walls have ears." Rain pulled out her red commonplace book and jotted down what looked like 'Demolish the garden gnome.'

"Sora, you lazy bum!" Kairi was yelling from the driver's seat. "We're here!"

Sora ran out, and Rain and Riku continued to discuss their plans.

"Where is 'here'?" Sora asked Kairi. He looked out to see a bank.

"This is the buisness section of the town." Kairi turned the engine off. "And I don't know why we're here, but I'm hungry. So you, you lazy bum, are going to buy me some food, because you and Riku are the cause of all this!"

"Uh, yeah, but...I don't have any money." Sora pulled his pockets inside out.

Riku had returned from his strange plotting session, and was feeling pretty hungry himself. "Great, nobody brought money. Hey, wait, do you have any?" He pointed at Rain.

"Nope. If I had money, I'd be playing a PS2." Rain shrugged. "I'm dirt poor."

"Oh, wait!" Riku snapped his fingers. "Let's go rob that bank!"

Rain clapped her hands together. "That's a GREAT idea!"

"You mean that one? The one that says..." Sora squinted, trying to pronounce the big words. "Uh...Mulctuary...Money Management?"

"Well, duh, that's the only bank, Sora." Riku rolled his eyes. "Anyway, this place is weird. There's frickin' horse-drawn carriages, taxis, and motorcycles all over the place."

Kairi decided to stay on the ship while the three went to rob a bank. Good idea? Yeah!

* * *

"Hey, where's the manager of this place? The head banker, or whatever you call him." Riku was talking to a desk receptionist. He had pulled a ski-mask over his head. 

"So, where is this guy?" Sora was talking to Rain but facing the wrong direction. He was wearing a sock over his head.

"Uh, Sora? I'm over here. And you probably should have cut out eye-holes." Rain was wearing a paper bag over her head with her name written on the back.

"Why the heck is your name on the back of your disguise?" Riku turned and watched Sora running into things.

"This is my lunch bag." Rain pulled it off. "But it's not a disguise. I know ALL about disguises." She put the bag back on. "But I've always wanted to do this."

Riku turned back to the receptionist. "So, where is he?"

The receptionist had one of those fake pasted-on smiles. "Right this way, children! I'll take you to see the head of Mulctuary Money Management!"

"We're not 'children'!" Rain grabbed Sora and dragged him along behind her. "And why does every letter in your bank's name start with an 'M'?"

The receptionist knocked on a door with a huge 'P' emblazoned on it. "Here it is! Have a nice time, little kids!"

"I said we're not-" Rain was yelling back and shaking her fist, but Riku dragged her and Sora into the office.

They looked at an oversized chair, which was turned with it's back facing them, like in those Italian mobster movies.

"Uh...hello? Mr..." Riku looked around for the guy's name.

Suddenly there was a fit of coughing from the chair. It turned around. A little fat man was coughing his lungs out into a white handkerchief. "Poe, kiddies. Mr. Poe."

"Handkerchiefs are stupid." Rain scratched the bag on her head. "And you look like someone I hate. Have I threatened you before?"

Mr. Poe put a newspaper down on his desk. "I was just reading the Daily Punctilio, children. I'm keeping up on the story of the horrible Baudelaires, causing such trouble, they murdered poor Count Omar, don't you know."

"Uh...right." Sora was again facing the wrong direction. He stepped forward and ran into a filing cabinet. "Ow!"

Rain had stood there scratching her head. Suddenly she pulled the bag off. "YOU," she said, "YOU...are Mr. Poe. That UGLY, STUPID, COUGHING banker!" She reached into her pocket. "I HATE YOU. You are the BIGGEST IDIOT ALIVE!"

"Woah, we just want the money!" Riku tried to calm Rain down.

"THIS GUY IS THE BIGGEST IDIOT ALIVE. AND HE'S GOING TO PAY FOR WASTING SO MUCH OF MY TIME!" Rain lunged at Mr. Poe, who started coughing in surprise. She grabbed him by the collar and started shaking him back and forth. "YOU'RE AN IDIOT! DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING? DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THAT-"

But Rain didn't get to finish her sentence because Mr. Poe coughed so hard, that his face turned blue.

"Uh...is he breathing?" Riku poked Mr. Poe.

"Who cares? Let's grab the money and go." Rain dropped Mr. Poe on the floor.

But before Riku had grabbed the money, someone came crashing through the window. "Stop! In the name of noble people!"

"Who the heck are you?" Sora asked, still facing the wrong direction.

"I'm...wait, why is he talking to that chair?" The boy turned and tapped Sora on the shoulder. "Uh, hey? I'm...over here..."

"Fine, fine, we won't rob this idiot. It's taking too long anyway, and there's no money in here." Rain stopped. "Wait...Riku? Why are we in a room with no money?"

"Someone already robbed the bank." The kid shook his head. "That's part of the reason you can't steal this money. But the other reason is that if you did, you'd be doing something villainous." He tapped Mr. Poe. "Is he even breathing?"

Rain shrugged. "We don't know. And we don't care. He's an idiot."

"Well, I don't care. He causes way too much trouble, and he's just a plain waste of time." The boy pulled some soggy mittens out of his pocket. "Man, a week and these STILL haven't dried off. And let me tell you, eagles are NOT fun to come across in a-" He stopped. "Er, are you who I think you are?"

Rain paused. Then she answered, "I don't know. Are YOU who I think you are?"

"Who do you think I am?" The kid asked.

"Who do YOU think I am?" Rain replied.

"Well, who do you-"

"What the heck are you guys doing?" Riku snapped. "This guy could wake up any second, if he's not dead." He pulled the sock off of Sora's head. "You! We're OVER HERE! Why didn't you cut eye-holes in this thing?"

Sora picked up a newspaper on the desk and started beating Riku with it. "Great! Now you just gave me away!" He turned over the paper. "Hey, what is this? It says...BAUDELAIRES MURDER COUNT OMAR. Who's Count Omar? That's a dumb name." He read the caption under it. "Veronica, Klyde, and Susie Baudelaire murdered Count Omar-"

The boy grabbed it away. "Don't read that, it's junk written by a babbling idiot."

* * *

Meanwhile, Kairi was sitting on a bench outside the gummi ship. An ugly man with shiny eyes ran past, chasing three kids. 

"What's taking them so long? I'm starving." Suddenly, she remembered Riku's stash of cheese danishes. "I'll steal some of his danishes!"

Kairi ran into the ship. She quickly located the box that held the prized danishes. But just as she reached in...

An alarm went off. "RIKU, ALERT! RIKU, ALERT! RIKU-"

"Oh man!"

* * *

Riku was standing with is arms crossed when he heard an alarm go off. "No! My danishes!" He grabbed Rain and Sora, who were taking turns arm-wrestling the kid. 

"Man, I was almost winning!" Sora whined, as he was dragged out of the bank.

Riku burst into the ship.

Kairi hid a crowbar behind her back. "Oh, I...er, I'm glad you guys are back!"

"Oh, thank GOD!" Riku ran to his box of danishes. "My PRECIOUS..."

"Uh, yeah...I'm driving." Sora jumped at the controls, and before anyone to argue, they were gone.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at Albonso's Pizza, Captain Evil, Sindey, and Joe Mopper walked inside to get something to eat. 

"Can you give me an extra side of darkness?' Captain Evil was asking, just as he spied Popular Girl lying on the ground. "Hey! You! Do you side with darkness?"

Popular girl sat up. "That depends. Is it popular?"

"Uh...yes?" Captain Evil saluted. "I'm a supervillai-I mean, superhero! Join the side of darkness, and I'll buy you all the pink nailpolish and all the cell phone rhinestones you want! Plus, I'll get you clothes from Molister and Flabicrombi and Mitch!"

"Ooh!" Popular Girl sat up. "Okay! I like that store! They have tight, revealing clothes!"

* * *

**Boy, these chapters are longer than I realized! Hey, review, people! Or I won't update! And if you want to submit ideas, feel free! My creative meter's bound to run out sometime. Uh...so, that's it 'till next time!**

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	4. Happy Halloween!

**Hey, Happy Halloween! I know, this story wasn't quite updated on Halloween...I think...but my stupid computer is screwing things up. So, in retribution, this is a special Halloween chapter! Yay!**

**Dislaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Cheetos, or anything else that's copyrighted in this story.**

**

* * *

**Rain walked out of the bathroom. "Ta-dah!"

Riku looked up from eating a bowl of Cheetos. Suddenly he spit out a mouthful of orange, cheesy crumbs. "What are you wearing?"

"I'm a pirate!" Rain tied a bandana on her head. "Isn't it obvious?"

"Uh, yeah, but WHY are you a pirate?" Riku brushed the crumbs off the table.

"Riku, you really are stupid. It's HALLOWEEN!"

Once again, Riku spit out his Cheetos, only this time they sprayed all over Sora. "WHAT?"

"Riku, if you're going to spit food, would you please turn your face in the other direction?" Sora wiped crumbs off of his face.

"Oh, sorry." Riku turned around. "Anyway, are you serious? It's Halloween?"

"Riku, Riku, Riku..." Rain walked over and patted Riku on the head. "You don't know ANYTHING, do you? Of COURSE it's Halloween! We all know I'm not REALLY a pirate. Or...you knew that, right?"

"OF COURSE I KNEW THAT!" Riku slapped Rain's hand away. "What I meant was...oh, never mind."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sora screamed. "IT'S HALLOWEEN!" He ran over to Kairi, who was trying to steer the gummi ship.

"Sora, I'm trying to DRIVE!" Kairi shoved Sora away. "And yeah, I know it's Halloween."

"Wait, what? Why didn't you tell me!" Sora was heartbroken. Halloween was his favorite holiday! "Halloween's my favorite holiday!"

"It's not my fault you forgot about it. Heck, you even forget your own birthday!" Kairi stood up. "And I know Halloween's your favorite holiday. You say that every year, when you forget it's Halloween and come running to me, crying. Now get away from me. I have to go put my costume on." She walked toward the bathroom.

"Hey, Kairi, can I-" Sora started reaching out to poke the steering wheel.

"No. Rain gets to drive."

"Woo Hoo!" Rain stabbed her cutlass into the table, right in front of Riku's face.

"But she doesn't even have a drivers permit!" Riku checked his hair to make sure that none of it had gotten cut off.

"Yeah, well..." Rain was pushing Sora away from the controls. "At least if I wreck it, I don't have to pay."

* * *

Riku and Sora were sitting in chairs, gripping the seats, as the ship swerved...again. 

"You...are...a...really bad...driver," Riku said through clenched teeth.

"Ahahahaha! This is fun!" Rain wasn't paying him any attention, and Sora was trying not to throw up.

Suddenly the bathroom door opened. Someone walked out.

Sora screamed. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It's someone come to kill us!"

Kairi took off her helmet. "It's just me." She was dressed as Samus (don't own Metroid, or anything that has to do with it).

"Hey, nice costume!" Rain was no longer dressed as a pirate. Now she was wearing a black cape and bunny ears.

"When did you change your costume?" Riku asked.

"Just now! Now I'm a vampire bunny!" Rain said.

"But...who's driving?" Sora asked.

"Us! Us!" yelled Chip and Dale.

"Oh, well, then..." Sora started, and then jumped up. "YOU GUYS CAN'T DRIVE!"

* * *

After about half-an-hour of bad driving, the gummi ship landed in Halloween Town. Rain, Riku, Kairi, and Sora jumped out. 

"Why are we here again?" Riku grumbled.

"It's Halloween. What better place to be on Halloween than Halloween Town?" Rain poked at Sora, who was dressed as a ninja. "Hey, you're a ninja, just like-"

Suddenly an evil laugh emanated through the area. "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"What was that?" Sora whimpered.

"It sounded like..." Rain tapped her head. "Where have I heard that voice-"

"It's me!" A little kid jumped out from behind a huge pumpkin. "Muahahahahahaha! Rain's brother, Funky Magnum!"

"What the...FUNKY MAGNUM?" Riku, who was dressed as a mummy, started laughing.

"Hey! It's not funny! FEAR ME!" Funky Magnum held a flashlight under his face.

"It's my brother, Funky! Ninja POWER!" Rain held up her fingers in a triangle and blew through them. "Fire Jutsu!"

"You loser! That's not how it goes!" Funky dropped his flashlight. "You're so weird."

"Why are you here, anyway?" Kairi stepped closer.

"I...AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It's Samus, come to kill me!" Funky ran away screaming.

"Oh, he'll be back..." said Rain, and picked up the flashlight. "HEY! FUNKY!" she yelled. "DON'T LITTER!" She threw the flashlight after Funky.

* * *

Several minutes later, Funky stopped by a huge pumpkin, panting. "Haaaa...what a marvelous escape." Suddenly, a flashlight flew down and hit him on the head. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Funky. "SHE BEANED ME!"

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**That's it for the Halloween chapter. Yeah, it wasn't THAT great, but a new character has been introduced! Funky Magnum! It's my little brother. He chose the name himself, and I'm so proud of him. Actually, I'm a little scared.**


	5. Is it The End?

**Alrighty! This story comes to a close! sniffs But don't worry...there'll be plenty of sequels! Oh yeah! I have lots of strange ideas while I sit in class ignoring my Geometry teacher...but I'd like ideas from you guys, too! Keep on reviewing! Send flames, and they'll fuel my jet.**

**Disclaimer: I. Don't. Own. Kingdom Hearts! WAAAAAAAA! But I touched the box! Yay!**

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Rain and Riku were sitting at a table on the gummi ship, eating chocolate pudding. The ship was headed back toward Destiny Islands. They had offered to drop Rain off back at the pizza place, but... 

(Flashback)

"You want us to drop you off?" Kairi asked.

Rain spat out chocolate pudding. "So I can hang out with those freaks again? No way!"

"Uh..." Riku wiped pudding off his face.

(End Flashback)

"What are you going to do when you get back?" Sora asked Riku.

"Probably eat some corn." Riku ate some more pudding.

Sora shook his head. "No, I mean, about your mom."

Riku had a blank look on his face. "What about my mom?"

"You mean..." Sora's mouth was wide open.

"Sora, you're really weird," Riku said, and went back to eating his pudding.

"But...but..." Sora stuttered.

"I'm not gothic," Rain said, waving her black nails in front of her face. "Brian Buzo says I'm gothic. But I'm not, Brian, am I?"

Brian popped out of the floor. "Then why do you wear black all the time?"

"For clown's sake, Brian! I DON'T wear black all the time. I hardly EVER wear black!" Rain shoved Brian Buzo back into the trap door.

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Captain Evil had already arrived on Destiny Islands. He was sitting on a bench, watching Joe Mopper, aka the Amazing Boy Stupid, repeatedly run into a wall. 

"Where's the frickin' door!" he yelled.

Ansem-I mean, Captain Evil-glanced at the double doors right next to the wall that Joe Mopper was banging his head into.

Meanwhile, Popular Girl was staring at herself in a mirror, putting on more mascara. "This isn't too much, is it? I want to look good for that hot guy."

"Yeah, I'm right here," said Joe.

Sindey sat on the ground, her poser shirt hanging out of her poser girl-pants. "Do you like Fall Out Boy? I listen to it so loud I can't hear anything else!"

They were waiting for Riku, Sora, and Kairi to return from their little outing.

"This time the plan better go right!" Captain Evil yelled, referring to the last 15 times they had practiced their plan. And, of course, all three of his minions had continuously screwed it up.

Sindey kept passing out during the running part.

Joe kept doing stupid things, like running into parked cars.

Popular Girl kept stopping to look at herself in store windows. Of course, Captain Evil was just plain DUMB.

* * *

Kairi landed the gummi ship between two houses. Actually, she landed between one house and another house's roof. 

"Okay, so I'm not good at parking this thing," said Kairi.

Rain and Riku were still eating pudding.

Sora was balancing Kairi's good china on his head. "Look, Kairi! I still haven't dropped-"

There was a huge crash as all Kairi's clown-shaped dishes fell to the ground.

"Ooh, Sora, that's 5 bucks you owe me." Riku ate another spoonful of pudding.

"Sora. Were those my hand painted clown dishes?" Kairi was just about to explode.

"Hey, Kairi I can-"

Sora's imminent doom was put off, however, when someone came flying down, landing in front of them.

"It's Ansem!" cried Riku, Rain, and Kairi.

"No, guys! That's a superhero!" Sora looked at Captain Evil's mask. "I don't even see a resemblance."

"Dude, you're not hotter than me." Joe Mopper banged his head against the side of the gummi ship, turning to face Riku.

"Uh, is that thing your hair?" Riku crossed his arms and grinned. "It looks like a dead possum."

"OH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDD!" Rain screamed, seeing 4 people she hated in one convenient location.

"Oh, RAIN! It's MEEEEEEEEEE! El Sindey-o!" Sindey screeched.

Popular Girl reached up and put on more mascara. "Ooh, it's that hottie and his CUTE friend!"

"Great, why does Riku get to be the hot one?" Sora whined.

"IT'S YOU!" Kairi pulled out her paintball gun. "THIS TIME YOU AREN'T GETTING OFF SO EASILY, YOU LOSER! THIS IS MYYYYYYYYYY SORA!"

"Oh-my-GAWD!" Popular Girl pulled out her cell phone. "I have a weapon!"

Suddenly, before anyone could face off in an epic battle of good vs. evil, there was a huge explosion. When the smoke cleared, no one was by the ship anymore.

"Aha!" cried Funky, jumping out of the shadows. "I got her!"

* * *

Rain sat up. "Dang! Funky got us!" 

Kairi, who had landed on 'something soft', sat up. "Woah, your brother is SCARY."

"Hey, would somebody help me down?" Riku called down from a palm tree.

"As soon as Kairi gets off my stomach!" Apparently the 'something soft' had been Sora.

"Well, that was an exciting battle!" Rain stood up and brushed off her shirt with the Triforce on it.

"There wasn't even a battle," said Sora, sighing.

"Well, we're back home, at least, and that...SHE-WITCH didn't get her hands on you!" said Kairi, a frightening look flashing across her face.

Suddenly there was a scream. "RIKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE WALLLLL!"

"Uh, I gotta go...water my tomatoes!" Sora stood up and started running in the opposite direction.

Kairi ran after him. "I have to go help him!"

Riku clutched Rain's arm. "Don't leave me!"

Rain pushed Riku away and started running herself. "I have to go see a man about living arrangements. And if you believe that, I've got a bridge to sell you."

"When my mom gets through with me, I'm not going to be able to use a bridge!" Riku cried, obviously ignorant.

"Well, that's not my problem." Rain ran off, leaving Riku to face the wrath of his mother.

I am happy to say Riku survived, but...let's just say he won't be going anywhere for QUITE a WHILE.

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**Well, how did you like the last chapter? Don't worry, I'm starting a sequel, but give me ideas! I'm starting to run out! So review review review! And I have no problem if you don't like my story. My helicopter is flame-propelled. And so is my getaway car! (By the way, the sequel's started! Yay! It's up to...uh...chapter something...once I update it...)**


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